Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
