dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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