If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
