I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
