WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
