You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
