bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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