And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
