Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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