Can i not drive my cunt home
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
