im having a threesome with these popsicles
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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