Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
