we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
