i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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