oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The power of my boobs compel you
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
