im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
