All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
