oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
