You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
