I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i dont even know how to be here
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
