My liver just broke up with me...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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