Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
