Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
