She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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