why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
