I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
