I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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