had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
