well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
