you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
