Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Randomize
