There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
