I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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