I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
