I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
