this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
