For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
