I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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