i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
