Tell her she can't have a vagina
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
