even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
