I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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