We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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