I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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