Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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