Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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