4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
