Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
