omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
