I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
