Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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