oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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